Stuck.

Cran-raisins. The work of the devil himself.

They are small, squishy, flesh-colored and tart-tasting. The perfect storm of things you don't want your kid putting up his or her nose. They are small enough for the child to get into the nasal cavity, but large enough that once you begin running out of space, which the upper part of the nostril is famous for, you can easily get one lodged. They are squishy, they bend and shape to the cavity as they are being pushed up, once they get stuck they have compressed and tightened to the point where they are filling, and blocking off, the whole nostril. Because of this squishy-ness they are difficult to grab with a tweezers. Made even more difficult is the fact that the damn things are the same color as the nose! What the hell! Not only is the screaming, kicking child getting apoplectic as you manhandle the delicate nasal area, you can't even see what you are doing in those brief lulls between whole body spasms.

No more fruit-veggie hybrid things that are the same color as human cavity linings. Period.

I learned one or two things from the whole episode;

1) Pediatrician over ER doc for removal, they have more experience with both children and non- traumatically lodged objects in children.

2) Hold the child facing away from you sitting on your lap, pin both arms down with your one arm, then use your other hand to hold their head. Its the safest position to restrain them in. It will also make you feel like the biggest piece of crap should you be the one doing it.

3) Remove everyone from the room who is not essential to solving the problem.

4) Keep telling yourself that hopefully this will be the worst thing to ever happen.

5) Ice cream for everyone afterwards, and lots of it.