Thursday, June 24, 2010

on your shoulders.

Habit #8 --Teach your child how important they are to you.

One of the best habits you can develop in your child is to teach them that they matter. That what they say matters, what they do matters, and that they matter very much to you. You may think, “Of course they know they matter. I’m their parent, I do everything for them. The deal is, they don’t see that. They have no concept of what life was like before they came along, so they don’t know how they have impacted your life. Consequently, we may act under the assumption that they realize that we spend all our time and money on them, rather than on us. Focus on taking the time to listen especially. When you take the time to listen to your child, instead of brushing her off, you are building connections. When you respond in a manner that validates her feelings instead of invalidating them, you are teaching her to be caring. When you help her to choose appropriate actions, you are helping her to be more competent. Trust me, they hear you. From their point of view, it can be difficult to think about themselves as having power, or worth. That is something we as parents, are uniquely situated to present. Don’t waste the opportunity to make someone’s day or lifetime.

Study after study demonstrates the importance of social interaction in determining a child's future. Geniuses who are socially inept will rarely do more in life or go farther than someone who gets along with people. Those "people skills" come from a childhood of interactions that have empowered the child. Nature vs. nurture is moot and passe. You play the biggest role in determining your child's success in life.

No pressure.

1 comment:

Spockgirl said...

I might have said this before, if so, here I go again: as I am not a parent, I really appreciate your list, as it validates my beliefs on parenting. I just wish more people, um, parents, could read your blog. To me, parenting is an art form, but can, sadly, also be a vicious cycle.